Lynne Graham Diary Page

Welcome to my online diary.

2010

I'm wondering sadly for how much longer I'll be able to keep my elderly Westie dog going. Daisy is 14 and has severe muscle wastage in her back legs caused by arthritis. I'm giving her glucosamine every day and think it has given her more life but she's still limping badly, first one leg and then the other and has to be lifted up the back steps when she goes out. I'll consult the vet about painkillers but I'm starting to think that her days may be numbered because I don't want her to suffer.

A couple of months ago I adopted a rescue dog, a Jack Russell terrier seven years old. Molly is terrified of men but very friendly and very much a lap dog. She loves doing all the stuff Daisy can't be bothered with now which is great for the children. Having had dogs all my life I have said goodbye to many over the years but only when an illness was terminal and nothing else could be done. It never gets any easier.

It's a very dark dreary day and wet but there's still ice on the roads. I saw an accident on the way home this evening - it makes you slow down. What I hate about winter is the lack of light. I have a row of tealights lit on the hearth so that when I look up from the computer I see something bright. I can't wait to see the leaves back on the trees and open the windows again.

In my current book my hero and heroine are having a passionate argument which is going to end between the sheets - it's good to know where you're going and wonderful that you can take your characters wherever you want.

I spent the weekend trying to get the garden cleared up for the spring. It's a big garden and we made it out of a field from scratch and have a lot of planting and pruning to do. Every year I buy more roses- no excuse, I just love them and there is no greater pleasure for me than pouring over a rose catalogue and picking new ones. Come spring I stand over the latest additions waiting eagerly for them to flower. I look after them myself and although I love roses in the house there has to be a dozen blooms on a bush before I can bring myself to cut one. I think I'll put up some pictures of my roses on the site this summer.

On a day of writing and maternal frustration. Is there any easy way of getting a teenager to help round the house without paying for it? I have four of them at home. And even bribes don't motivate some to move off the sofa and away from the television. They are always assuring me that none of their friends do any chores at home. Do I believe that? Sometimes getting them to do things is more trouble than it seems worth. I'm a firm believer in the work ethic and teaching it from a young age but I don't want to spend what time I do have with my children arguing and threatening consequences. On the other hand I can't cope with my working hours and the domestic routine without some help. How many more corners can be cut? It's the desperate cry of many working mums.

Workwise? I spent hours today polishing up just two short pages of writing. Yes, it was improved but I should have moved on much sooner than I did to new pastures. What is it about those little sections that sometimes trap you as efficiently as a swamp?

I aim at five exercise sessions a week at present. I find it easier to be self-disciplined if I exercise more and it becomes a habit than when it is only an occasional pastime. Three times a week, for example, entails too much fighting of the lazy gene for me. A couple of my sessions will usually be a long brisk walk. I have knee arthritis and am not quite sure whether it is a bad or a good thing when my knees stiffen up by the end of the week. If I stop exercising I won't have stiff knees but neither will I be healthy and I will probably also put on weight. I do find that when I spend regular time in the gym it gives me more energy and stamina and I sleep like a log. I don't think I've ever experienced the pleasure rush of endorphins that one hears about but maybe you have to be a runner to get that and with the knees in the condition they are in running will never be an option for me now.

I'm sure I'm not the only person who feels there are not enough hours in the day to do all that needs to be done. When work goes well, I simply find something else to feel guilty about. It might be not spending enough time with the family or perhaps letting the housework slide. It would be much healthier to be less self-critical and more positive about what I do achieve rather than always looking at what I don't. Of course I'm a pessimist and find it very hard to change my natural inclination to always look on the dark side of life. I'm married to an optimist, a piece of luck I am often grateful for as he never fails to cheer me up when I feel down. But if he is ever down, I absolutely panic as his optimism makes me feel secure.

When I get within sight of finishing a book I'm under the most pressure. I always have a deadline to work to and can't bear not to meet it. I resent life's intrusions and really just want to get the job done. I'm so immersed in the book and checking up that there are no loose ends that I really haven't got the space to think of anything else. My hero and heroine are on my mind night and day right now and I'll miss them when the story is finished. At the same time there can be few things more exciting than the fun of dreaming up new characters for your next book.

I also had some good news this week. Daisy, my aging Westie dog had a vet checkup and was pronounced very healthy apart from her weak back legs. So if the legs will just hold out she should keep going fine and that's what I hope will happen.

Walked miles round Amsterdam sightseeing and now just a little stiff. I didn't stand still for long at any time during my stay because it was excessively cold with a biting wind. Canals were frozen and I saw plenty of icicles.

Highlights? The ancient higgledy-piggledy tall narrow houses, some of which lean over and into their neighbours, and which are very picturesque. I loved Rembrandt's house and his wonderful paintings in the Rijksmuseum - the people so real on canvas that I wouldn't have been surprised to see them start breathing. I adored the seventeenth century dolls house which had never been a child's toy but was an adult woman's serious hobby. I feel refreshed after a few days meeting new people and seeing interesting places.

Amsterdam is a very cosmopolitan city and packed with restaurants offering food from every part of the world so eating out was fun and I was adventurous. I also dreamt up a new hero for my next book and began to work out the plot. I am never happy without a story and a new romance unfolding inside my head. As the plane was landing at the end of my trip I looked down at the green fields and decided that Northern Ireland is rather beautiful even in winter and there is no greater truth than that old adage about there being no place quite like home.

Right now I'm working on the first chapter of a new book. First chapters are always a challenge because you have catch and hold your readers in those initial pages. It's exciting and frustrating work in equal parts because I don't know my characters yet and will only get to know them as I write and they develop. I do a rough draft before I start to tease out other strands to set a different tone. I read and read it, unsure whether I like the changes. I continually alter and add and subtract and sometimes walk away for several hours while I think about my hero and heroine - how they feel at this first all important encounter, what's happening between them on different levels, how many of their secrets I want to reveal at this stage of the story. I write slowly and this chapter demands the most work. I have to get it right or the rest of the story won't flow properly.

My new book is set in Amsterdam where I recently enjoyed a break. As I wrote, it gradually became obvious to me that what drew my hero and heroine together would be very much the attraction of opposites. I like creating an attraction of opposites between a hero and heroine. My hero is very self-disciplined and uneasy with anything emotional while my heroine is full of fire and lets all her feelings spill out on the surface. This both unnerves and fascinates my hero. He is fighting her attraction every step of the way, determined not to take a risk on love and having been badly hurt in the past, my heroine is every bit as bad as the hero in avoiding dealing with what she is really feeling.

Combining work and family duties can be quite a challenge. Writing isn't quite like other work because it's so much a creative thing. When your imagination is in charge more mundane jobs are an unwelcome intrusion.

Sometimes I'm just gasping to write and my mind is galloping ahead of me and my head is so filled with my characters' dialogue that I can hardly think straight in the real world. It's called inspiration and walking away from a bout of really good inspiration to go shopping / visit the dentist / even talk to the kids and listen properly can be very difficult. My children recognise when I'm distracted by my latest book and tell me off and I feel like the worst mother in the world. But occasionally you have to be selfish and let work be an obsession.

You can't depend on that inspiration being there later in the day. Inspiration doesn't hang around for the right convenient moment. And wherever I am I always keep a paper and pen handy to jot down notes of snatches of conversation or plot lines that occur to me.

As a writer, I would give much to understand what causes the crises of confidence that can bring my creativity to a screeching halt. One minute work is progressing well and then I will reread what I have just done and my heart just sinks and the thought - 'this isn't very good' - grips me. So I will go over it again and it will usually grab me even less after that first critical reading. This happened to me yesterday and I spent the whole evening wondering how I could improve that scene in my book. Today I worked through it again and suddenly realised where the encounter between my hero and heroine was going and magically everything fell into place. When I began the scene I didn't really know where it was going and I think that was what spooked me. So, back to work with a smile of relief.

What did I do with myself before I signed up for Facebook and Twitter? I like the games on Facebook like Farmville and Mafia Wars but all these things act as distractions from work. So while I enjoy moving with the times, keeping up with other people and hearing from readers I have discovered that it is much easier to waste time online when writing is a challenge.

Occasionally I just feel I should just switch off the computer I use to surf the internet or at least reduce the time I take out from writing but that seems drastic and even the feeling that so many other people are guilty of doing the same thing makes it harder to police myself.

There is also the fact that often when I think I'm not working, I actually am and some plotting problem is percolating a response at the back of my mind. This week I've come up with a solution and planned the remainder of my book.

This has been a bad winter for my garden because the snow lasted for weeks and a good numbe rof the borderline hardy plants we grow couldn't take those low temperatures. I've lost hebes,acacias, pittosporums, phormiums and a couple of rare conifers. Sadly too the usual lushness and massive growth of spring has still to arrive in my area. But even if the trees haven't grown their leaves back yet the first signs of recovery are there in the daffodils and the magnolia and camellia blooms.

Admiring some perfect white camellias I felt cheered by the resilience of nature and am counting the days until the summer. I'm now waiting for the weeping lime tree I can see from my window to green up. I love the way the branches trail towards the ground, weighted down by the size of the leaves. I grew up in a garden full of lime trees and the sight of their unrestrained growth always brings back memories of childhood.

I love the fact that one or two roses I thought were dead are showing buds which means that the replacements I ordered require another home. I'm always on the lookout for new places for roses and am presently enjoying growing some big shrub roses on the edge of woodland. Having come through the winter unscathed, they're very hardy and I look forward to spotting a patch of colour at the foot of the garden and walking down to investigate with pleasure the unfamiliar flowers of a new rose.

I've just finished the book set in Amsterdam and am waiting to hear what my editor thinks of it. In the mean time work goes on and I've begun my next story. Turn around time is immediate. This is the last book in a trilogy and the deadline means I have to finish it before I go on holiday. My hero is Cesario an Italian industrialist and my heroine, Jess is a country vet. Having listened to gossip - as we all do occasionally - she has a very low opinion of him while he has secrets that will only emerge well into the story. They both have a great deal to learn about each other, particularly that old chestnut that nothing is ever quite what it seems. [Addendum: the book set in Amsterdam has been accepted].

I'm three chapters into my new book, the last in my current trilogy. The first chapter always takes me the longest to write because I'm still getting to know my main characters and turning them into individuals with both virtues and flaws. As Jess is a vet, I also get to give her some faithful pets - I do like creating animal personalities! My hero and heroine are very different people. Cesario is always immaculate and Jess couldn't care less what she looks like so I think I will have some fun with them. This is one of those times when I can't bear to be away from the story becaus I'm getting so involved in it - long may the feeling last!

I'm writing every day and at the rate of 2 to 3000 words a day, so I'm exhausted by the time I finish in the evening. There's a lot happening in this book and a good deal of action late on in the story which is a change for me. It's all very emotional and confusing for my heroine and I'm sharing her agonies with her as I write. My hero is trying to do that macho 'stiff upper lip' thing men think they ought to do but he's really struggling and he needs my heroine to save him. But while he was being brave he lied and he'll have to pay a price for that so there'll be plenty of angst before I finish this story and reunite my troubled lovers.

A tabby cat is hanging around - the first I've seen in my six years in this house. I checked him out because there is a missing cat poster up at a local garage and I thought the stray might be the one but sadly, he's not. He is, however, painfully thin and hungry and I've fed him. He was domesticated enough to let me pet him and if he stays I'll keep on feeding him because I couldn't leave him to starve. I'm a real pushover for strays and abandoned animals. It does you good to be kind when you can be.

Having finished the final book in the current trilogy, I'm going on holiday with the seeds of the next project already sprouting in the back of my mind. It will be another two parter, a linked story Duet to be published in consecutive months like THE DRAKOS BABY (released July & August UK / November & December in USA). The fresh format allows me to dream up a really juicy plot because it has to stretch through two books, not just one and it's always stimulating to have the challenge of doing something different. I'm looking forward to reading loads of books and drinking pots of coffee (don't like wine much) while enjoying gorgeous views in the South of France. I'm also much more active on holiday- walking, swimming and exercising every day. There'll be plenty of opportunity for family time - much appreciated after months of keeping my nose strictly to the grindstone and avoiding all temptation. But I'll miss the family members who are staying behind, my pets and my garden. The roses are having a fabulous season so it's a shame to leave them but then there's always a dark side to every pleasure.

I am today enjoying the first sunshine I've seen at home since I returned from my holiday in France. No, I'm not kidding this summer has been very dull and wet. I'm afraid I have had to make plans for the garden from indoors and one or two roses which have failed to make the grade in the rain will be ripped out this autumn. Meanwhile it lifts my spirits to see the remaining beautiful blooms, defying the adverse weather, from the windows.

I had a good break in France but the quality time with the kids didn't turn out quite as I hoped. Having spent the first half of the day in bed they chose to pass their time watching endless reruns of Friends on TV and talking to their pals on Facebook. For the first time in more years than I care to recall it was just me and my husband and I have to confess that although it took a little while to get used to that idea we thoroughly enjoyed only having to please ourselves. I'm a great lover of history and once again I was able to explore ruins of abbeys and castles, an interest which none of the children shared.

During my relaxing weeks in France I was able to finetune my plot for the next two-book Duet story. I dreamt up a very passionate and stubborn hero called Sander, who will get together with his perfect woman, Tally and totally fail to appreciate what he has with her until he has lost it again. He will then have to move heaven and earth to get her back again and after the revelation that will challenge their reunion, persuade her to give him another chance.